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"Old Man" Johnny

Bartender (T-Th)

Johnny has been working at the Spigot for over 20 years. He literally came with the building. As a sports fan, Johnny avidly roots for the Yankees, and doesn't appear to be disinterested in the Steelers. In his free time, Johnny likes long walks on the beach (with his wife,) reading poetry (to his wife,) and romantic weekend getaways (again, with his wife.) He hates red lights and mean people.

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Alex "Sleevie" Wonder

Bartender (Saturday)

Alex was once Sensai John Kreese's top disciple at Cobra Kai, his dreams of karate stardom and years of hard work  were forever ruined by an up and comer who had access to mystical Eastern healing. The stress of his traumatic loss not only affected him, but his sensai as well, leading him to confront the newcomer's cheating sensai. This traumatic experience forever made him hate hate sleeves of all kinds, and he regularly eschews them. Since then Alex has been spending his days playing guitar, skateboarding, working at Beachland Tavern and the Spigot, and plotting his revenge against Miyagi and his student.

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Big Daddy Danny

Bartender (Friday + Monday)

Born and raised in western Philly, Danny spent his days, like many children, on the playground, having fun. Those happy days were unfortunately put to a rapid end when, while playing basketball, Danny got involved with some unsavory characters in his neighborhood. Things started to take a turn for the worst after an altercation and his mother, fearing for the life of her son, sent him away to live with his relatives in California. After a life changing cab ride Danny had a new goal: he would become royalty in this new town, The Prince of Bel Air.

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Sunday Alex Sunday

Bartender (Sunday)

Sunday Alex, or as he is know to some "Our Lord and Savior Alex Talbot," is as unremarkable as he is clueless. Completely average in all categories from young childhood to adulthood, Alex also appears either unaware or uninterested in social cues, leaving some further questions about his early development or possible brain damage. With those prestigious qualifications he was promoted to management almost immediately, and currently spends his days pretending to work while slowly succumbing to the slow despair of inadequacy and heightened expectations.

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Ura "Juan Cena" Medina

Some Guy (Friday + Saturday)

Little Known Facts about Ura

- You will respect his authoritah

-Immune to most poisons

-Can bench press the short bus he rode in on

-Very loud

-Better at his job than the other bartenders combined

-Will let you know it

-Like a shockingly good classically trained Chef

-Seriously, you need to eat his food

-Professional Bear Wrestler

-Time Agent

-"Gentleman Asshole"

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Jason of the Golden Fleece

Relief Bartender

Jason and his stupid handsome face spend most of his time working at Sherman's Taphouse in Southington. Because he's too cool for the Spigot. Who doesn't hate a guy who can dye his hair blond and totally get away with it? You'd think with his natural good looks he'd at least be slow, or a shitty bartender but no. Dude fucking has it all. Oh and have you met his girlfriend?  Fuck this guy.

(Side note: Two owners and the manager are simply jealous of his luxurious locks)

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Kee-oh-mee Dammit

Relief Bartender

Whereabouts unknown. The back door to the Spigot basement was left open and she escaped. Several warrants out for her arrest. Skilled at traveling through terrain in any weather, she has access to any and all outdoor equipment, and the training to use it.  Considered armed and extremely dangerous. Can be placated with local beer and possibly whiskey.

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Luke "Skywalker" Talbot

Relief Bartender

Luke was born in Hartford Hospital. The rest of his life went downhill from there. Middling in everything from academics to sports for his entire life, Luke failed his way into a bar back position at Capital Grille where the size of his head grew to unbelievable proportions. Thereafter he failed his way to  bartender position at Max Downtown, and a bar manager position at Trattoria Toscana in Manchester. He still could never beat his brother in a single game of NHL 98, and routinely sucks at platforming and racing video games. Luke's other claims to fame include:

-Cheating at Monopoly

-Cheating at cards

-Growing a shittier beard than his brother

(The author is Luke's brother, all information is verified)

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Brian "Fernet Neat" Whitney

Relief Bartender

With his minimal custodial skills, lack of patience or common decency, and highly confrontational nature, Brian is a vital cog in the Spigot machine. He can usually be seen drinking the girliest seltzers know to man, and taking shots of this horrible liquor we brought in basically just for him. A known dick, Brian will argue any topic imaginable with you, then buy you both a shot. The highlight of Brian's pointless, miserable life came just recently when his trash Buccaneers finally got a quarterback. His low point will inevitably be when Tom Brady is executed by Patriots fans on the field. Brian spends most of his time between The Charles in Newington and Ellicit in Manchester.

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Scott "Scottie" Burns

Relief Bartender

Wise. Experienced. Ancient. Most of these qualitites can be seen occasionally in Scotty when hes not three Stoli's deep. A veritable landmark at the legendary Max Downtown, Scotty is best known for his accomplishments as Lt. Commander of Engineering, saving his Captain's life numerous times over with well timed transport from hostile environments, and engineering miracles. More recently, Scott has spent his days cursing every bone-headed move the New York Giants make, while slowly falling into a deep sports depression.

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Joe "Tio Joe" Roiz

Relief Bartender

Deep in the jungles of South America there are legends of a monster that preys on the livestock of locals. Its been spotted through the Americas over the years in many places, the most accurate sightings have been in Texas, Louisiana, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, and even Connecticut. The Joebracabra has struck fear into the hearts of many a rural farmer, who fear for their daughters as well their livestock. Fun fact, Chupacabra literally translates to "Goat Sucker," which seems accurate.

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Dennis "Blue Steel" Tracey

Male Model/Relief Bartender

After a mind-breakingly successful career as a male model opposite such competition as Hansel, Dennis decided to retire from the public eye and go back to his roots: drinking. Currently working at the Half Door, Dennis's hobbies include:

-Being a badass


-Wearing hats even though he doesn't need to, and ruining it for those of us who do

-Sunglasses at night

-Did I mention Handsomeness?

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